Oppo Review: Pontiac Bonneville SSEi

"Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To" (murdersofa) 05/05/2015 at 16:21 • Filed to: oppo review

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You know what’s good? The Buick 3800. Also, forced induction. And torque vectoring. And leather. And heads-up displays. And sunroofs. Fortunately for humanity, the Pontiac Bonneville SSEi exists and has all of these things. And fortunately for me, I get to drive one on a regular basis.

This 2002 Bonnie has 166k on the clock but runs like a top. Here’s how it breaks down:

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There isn’t much to say here: the Bonneville is a pretty attractive car. The random creases on the side are a bit much and I’m not huge on the tail-lights, but for the most part it’s an attractive, unobtrusive design. Doesn’t look bloated or unnecessary, and I adore the wheels.

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I’m going to break this down further: For comfort and build quality the interior is a solid 8. Roughly the same as my Buick, but the bolsters on the seats are glorious and cup my back in just the right way.

As for looks, though... no. This interior is honestly hideous. It’s an air vent bukkake mixed in with hideous grey (!?!?!) switchgear that looks like someone grayscaled a children’s toy and threw it at the dashboard. No.

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The radio and speakers were nothing to phone home about, but the supercharger whine... dear god. I could listen to that forever.

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After driving my 4cyl Honda Civic around it was really weird being in a car with such a slow revving engine. Even weirder was the torque and how damned fast the speedometer was rising. This engine has torque, more torque, and then when you feel like you need some, it has even more torque. And this is all accompanied by the in-dash boost gauge (factory boost gauge!!!) rising to 10 (this one doesn’t go to eleven, sadly).

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Meh. It’s a GM 4t65e. Whatever. No tapshift = no care.

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Meh. Better than my Buick, better than my Civic, but not fantastic. Surprisingly good for how enormous this car is.

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The heads up display is nifty, and the DIC in Pontiacs is pretty cool, showing you a top-down view of the car. And, of course, there’s a boost gauge and power leather seats. Other than that, not a whole lot.

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This is a pretty solid car. Would car. Yes car. Very fun. Would drive moar. Too lazy to properly finish review.

Jake works at a buy-here-pay-here dealership in the ghetto of Wichita, Kansas. Sometimes he gets bored and reviews the cars at work when he should be doing work. This drivel is the result.

Vicente Esteve > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/05/2015 at 16:25

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Imagine the creatures living in the sumptuousness of these seats.

G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/05/2015 at 16:28

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Eight air vents?

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Vicente Esteve 05/05/2015 at 16:28

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We clean it with some stupidly heavy-grade stuff.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 05/05/2015 at 16:29

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And more in the doors, IIRC.

crowmolly > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/05/2015 at 16:29

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IIRC these got proper boost gauges and not the GTP light show, correct?

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > crowmolly 05/05/2015 at 16:32

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Yep

Jcarr > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/05/2015 at 16:33

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When they cleaned up the design toward the end it wasn’t a bad looking car.

G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/05/2015 at 16:34

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Woah.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Jcarr 05/05/2015 at 16:35

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Yep. All of Pontiac’s stuff looked a lot better when they got over their ‘lol random streaks’ phase

Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/05/2015 at 16:40

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You’re not wrong about that interior, many things went wrong during the design of that dashboard.

Milky > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/05/2015 at 16:45

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Forced induction

3.8L

240HP

WAT

ly2v8-Brian > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/05/2015 at 16:46

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Then this would the carnagecouch? Or deathdavenport?

GeorgeyBoy > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/05/2015 at 16:48

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Will always have a soft spot for Bonnevilles, especially the body style before this.

Bman76 (no it doesn't need a WS6 hood) M. Arch > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/05/2015 at 16:52

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I really like the looks of these Bonnevilles, I think they’ve aged considerably better than the other G platform cars.

area man > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/05/2015 at 17:00

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That’s... a new level of terrible. God we loved rounded edges around the turn of the century. That said, I kind of miss the air vent joysticks. Such a delightfully stupid solution!

DrJohannVegas > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/05/2015 at 17:07

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Torque vectoring? Really?

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/05/2015 at 17:16

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All this would be better served by me getting a Reatta and supercharging it, right? I mean, 80s high tech is just so much more high-techier than 90s high tech.

LongbowMkII > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/05/2015 at 17:33

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1985-2005? I kid. Mostly.

Vicente Esteve > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/05/2015 at 17:46

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I wouldn’t want to corner in them as I think that heavy-grade stuff was awfully slippery as well.

M54B30 > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/05/2015 at 17:47

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Thats my favorite Bonneville and I would buy a decent one as fast as I saw it for sale.

That interior though, yuck

desertdog5051 > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/05/2015 at 17:53

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Saw one today, in red. Not bad looking. Especially for that old. What was the HP rating on it?

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > desertdog5051 05/05/2015 at 18:14

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240hp and I believe 260ft lb of torque

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > M54B30 05/05/2015 at 18:14

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I wonder if I could swap in a LeSabre interior? Or an STS one?

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 05/05/2015 at 18:15

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Reattas are pigs, honestly. Very fiddly, ancient engine that doesn’t make much power ( I have no idea if you can supercharge it, honestly), it’s pre OBD2 so you can’t tune it like you can a bonnie ($1000 could get you 300hp out of these)... meh.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > DrJohannVegas 05/05/2015 at 18:16

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Stabilitrak. I got it wrong. It’s brake vectoring.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > area man 05/05/2015 at 18:16

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Honestly I could live with the stupid suppository buttons if they were black, but that grey... oh god.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Bman76 (no it doesn't need a WS6 hood) M. Arch 05/05/2015 at 18:17

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I still think the SeVille has a pretty timeless look.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > GeorgeyBoy 05/05/2015 at 18:18

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The original ‘RRR ANGRY HEADLIGHTS’

I also love its contemporary the Oldsmobile 88

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Milky 05/05/2015 at 18:18

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What ‘WAT’?

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. 05/05/2015 at 18:19

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Many drugs.

Bman76 (no it doesn't need a WS6 hood) M. Arch > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/05/2015 at 18:26

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I just associate the Seville with awful Landau tops. I think it’s successor the STS (especially in STS-V form) has aged better, although it’s much newer, but time will tell.

Milky > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/05/2015 at 18:33

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For what it is, I feel like its output is low.

Logansteno: Bought a VW? > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/05/2015 at 18:34

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This is the only thing about the design of these that bothers me. Why are they so close to the center!?

(Fog lights, if Kinja fucks my annotation)

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Milky 05/05/2015 at 18:58

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280 ft lb of torque, though. And you can easily tune it for more, but these engines were tuned for longevity

desertdog5051 > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/05/2015 at 19:03

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That is liveable. Not great but good torque.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/05/2015 at 19:48

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That shifter boot looks like a penis.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/05/2015 at 19:53

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If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/05/2015 at 20:01

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If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > ly2v8-Brian 05/05/2015 at 20:02

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genocideloveseat

ly2v8-Brian > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 05/05/2015 at 21:06

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That's good.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > ly2v8-Brian 05/05/2015 at 21:08

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The Bonneville is a bit more athletic than a LeSabre, so it’s a loveseat rather than a sofa.

M54B30 > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/05/2015 at 21:09

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You don’t know until you try.

Doooo it

ly2v8-Brian > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 05/05/2015 at 21:13

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That's pretty sound rationale.

GeorgeyBoy > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/05/2015 at 22:09

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My grandparents had an 88 just like that when I was little. Really familiar with both.

I remember my bike never would fit in the 88 but would always fit in my dads Bonneville. Also I think the Bonneville had the ski pass through to the trunk and the 88 didn’t.

105 HP of fury > DrJohannVegas 05/05/2015 at 22:15

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You do it by adjusting all of those air vents.

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 05/06/2015 at 13:29

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Only if you can make the Buick CRT touchscreen work properly.

It did work properly in my granddad’s 89 Riviera. Which, because 80s high-techness, was officially called “The Riviera by Buick”. It said so on the dash.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs 05/06/2015 at 13:30

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Trufax: I did actually look at local list of Craig for Reattas yesterday. HELP ME

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/06/2015 at 13:33

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Or you can go full G-Body coupe.

Same platform, two doors, looks decent for a late 90s GM product.

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 05/06/2015 at 13:34

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No, no, no...according to The News(tm) you have to order a pizza from a national chain, and place the “HELP ME” instructions in the online ordering system.

#ThereIsNoHelpForAnyoneNow

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs 05/06/2015 at 13:38

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Will the pizza guy or girl help me get a Reatta?

KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 05/06/2015 at 13:41

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Depends on how much your tip is, I guess.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > KusabiSensei - Captain of the Toronto Maple Leafs 05/06/2015 at 14:11

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I love these things so, so, so, so much

The Powershift in Steve's '12 Ford Focus killed it's TCM (under warranty!) > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/06/2015 at 14:44

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Too much cladding. It’s unfortunate that Pontiac waited until it was on it’s death bed to start ditching cladding, because these were pretty good looking cars underneath it all.

Theax40 > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 05/08/2015 at 20:34

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I recently purchased an 03 SSEi after having an 01 SLE for three years. I absolutely love these cars. Perfect in every way, in my opinion. Would without a doubt buy another.